Fashion Not A Factor

Just started reading ‘Mutant Massacre’ for the first time, as part of the larger goal of consuming the entirety of Claremont’s X-Men run and wowwie wow wow are we in the 80’s with this one, folks. Having completed the Uncanny X-Men Omnibus volume 2, there is a huge gap between where that left off and where Massacre begins. Fifty-seven issues to be precise. From what I can gather a whole bunch of good silly? Good and silly?) stuff went down including, but not limited to: Rogue joining the team (Ah’m so glad), Kitty Pride getting Lockheed and her Shadowcat costume (guessing the 4 part series with Wolvie in Japan happened), mohawk Storm (Fuck. Yes.) and, sadly, X-Factor happened. Hoo-boy, X-Factor, you sure are a comic with a premise that probably sounded great initially, but you have got some pantsuit-sized problems. Not to sound too much like a porcelain-faced E! personality, but Cyclops, Honey. What. Are. You. Wearing?

Look at poor Warren Worthington wearing that backpack like he’s a motherfucking early 90’s G.I. Joe action figure. That is one silly super-soaker wearing solution to hiding his wings. Jean Grey went from one of the best designing costumes ever:

to rocking a roomy full body blue skull cap with dark shades and her red hair sticking out underneath. Solid job turning the original X-Men into the Unabomber Squad everybody. Okay, to be fair these atrocities to fashion were only worn part of the time, while the team would don perfectly passable X-laden superhero costumes when they were posing as evil mutants. That’s right, they put on their costumes to look like bad guys and dressed up as Delta Burke to pass as “mutant-hunting” good guys. See, there are some very troublesome ideas with this book.

                X-Factor apparently started with the very admirable goal of reuniting the original X-Men, who at that point had mostly been doing a great job not being the cool new X-Men and forming other super lame teams with USFL-sounding names. Bob Layton and Jackson Guice were originally going to have it be the original four male X-Men and Dazzler because, y’know, Dazzler. This is all from an awesome post over at Brian Cronin’s Comic Book Urban Legends Revealed and it is fascinating. Anyway, problem number one emerges from its psychic cocoon nestled in Kurt Busiek’s head (per Wikipedia) in the form of bringing Jean Grey back. Which is fine, its superhero comics and popular characters don’t stay dead. Except they kinda did back then and the character died by sacrificing herself for fear of losing control and wiping out whole scores of humanoid-asparagus populated planets. That shit was emotional, yo. But that noble act of sacrificing herself, in addition to all the other acts she committed since emerging from the depths of Jamaica Bay in issue #101 were now no longer Jean Grey at all. It was the Phoenix Force just straight up cosplaying Jean Grey for 36 issues, while the real Jean Grey was placed inside some feel good pod at the bottom of the bay. That Jean Grey had also died heroically scarifying herself so her teammates could live. But sure, let’s lessen all of that emotional impact and sacrifice because fuck Thunderbird, amirite? Anyway, this is all pretty well chronicled information (comic book fans griping on the internet? Shocking!) and needless to say, all five originals were back together being a group of mutant heroes who fought bad guys once more. Wrong! Apparently now they’re going to dress up as “mutant-hunters” for their day job and then dress up as “evil mutants” named the…I can’t even…named the X-Terminators. Let’s strive for Xavier’s dream of peaceful co-existence between mutants and humans by hiding under the cover of humans who hunt down mutants and then secretly rehabilitate them to better pass as human. If Charley wasn’t nearly dead or in space or both, I’m sure he’d be super pumped at your interpretation of his life’s work, X-Factor. Cats and dogs living together, y’all.

                Despite the fact that I find those premises very off-putting I fully admit to having not read these early X-Factor issues and am looking forward to putting my foot in the water as I progress through my Clarmont-ian pilgrimage. But my initial reaction has not been positive, which is a shame because I generally adore both the Simonsons work. Really though, I just can’t get over the aesthetics. All of them are wearing my grandfather’s sunglasses that he wears while driving.